Everyone has felt lonely at one time or another, regardless of their magnitude of wealth, size of family, extension of the friendship circle, or position in a crowd. It crawls on your skin like a shadow, quickly making its way into your heart. Once you have experienced this alienation you will never forget it, and you can never adequately explain the depth of it.
I live alone now, but it wasnt always so. Once, our house too was full of laughter and life. The absence of both makes my memories now.
When i was little, i mean really little, like six or seven, i remember dreaming of being 65 someday and living alone by myself and how happy i would be. I dont know why i fixed on 65 as the optimum age. (I must have heard grown ups talking about retirement or something). Of course i also remember composing my epitaph at the same age. Having said that, i am really irritated that i dont remember what it was.
Well im not 65 as yet, but im alone with my memories. It has been drizzly and pleasant here for the last few days for a change, and i remember how we all were snug in the house together once, undoubtedly very happy in our own small world. I can easily recall listening to their humorous stories at the dinner table right now.
Gradually, each year that passed, left an empty chair. They were no longer happy together. Where as years before, we opened tons of presents at various occasions. Now i open one. The dinner table that was once a place of laughter and memories, had become a place where arguements broke out. I missed the memories and past then and i miss them today. Silence screams in my ears and holidays have become lonely. There is a tough… a well built wall of deception, isolation and …most of all rejection, that wont let me move on and allow me to see things beyond the physical world. These are the visions my memory drags out when confronted with words like “family”. No rich traditions as such in my bloodline, none i was part of anyway. The only one to stand by me is the only one i would stand with. I call her Nina. She is the only other member in what i think of as our family. We may have been born black sheep, we may have been elected to the job, but we will likely die black sheep outcast from the flock.
wow…. =\
I read once in a book that to be an adult is to be alone. It is an inevitable fact of human existence. I can understand what Memories can do to you when you least expect. Associations with people, with things and with places become subjective at times.I guess it was Mother Teresa who said that when Christ said: “I was hungry and you fed me,” he didn’t mean only the hunger for bread and for food; he also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus himself experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept on hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one to be accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that’s real hunger.And I mean every Single human being.
We are all characters of the same good old story.
Its a thought provoking piece of art and the written lines are coherent with the brush strokes.
I hope this girl,Nina, who never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude, have found a reason to live.
They say expectations hurt a person more than anything else but then again expectations keep a person going in life. Strange is the story of our life. My favorite or perhaps the only one that i have read Paulo Coelho says “Of all the ways we have found to hurt ourselves, the worse has been through love. We are always suffering because of someone who doesn’t love us, or someone who has left us, or someone who won’t leave us. If we are alone, it is because no one wants us…”. Questions like “whats my reason for existence” arise through the strength and time a person have in his/her solitude. People do suffer a lot for love or in name of love but the suffering always brings wisdom in that persons life, of all the great persons in history i haven’t seen anyone with a smooth sailing life. Love, wealth, family and friends are considered the most important ingredients for a happy life and perhaps they are the most probable to bring suffering in life, absence of one or presence of other. Again strange is the story of our lives. Loneliness might not be that bad it always gives you a chance to recognize the Holy Creator, and the lucky ones always find their reasons for existence.
Its upto us to control our fear, pain and sufferings or let them go and spread to the level where they bring disappointment and distress.
i couldn’t, agree with u more. Personally speaking, i in fact believe only those people have the right or say capability to hurt u, who u love the most. i use the word “right” to authenticate the natural relation of love. Having said that, i disagree that suffering ALWAYS brings wisdom in a particular person’s life. philosophically, it can possibly be true. but generally, it more conveniently brings doom. sad, but a fact of life !
thanks for your feedback, salman, sunie and awais.
” Well im not 65 as yet, but im alone with my memories. ”
i think i m in love with ur words!
its more like you enjoy the intensity of the situation as i see it. thanks still.
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thanks much.
Great stuff and much more appealing and interesting than plain type. Thanks for sharing